Irony Apprecianados Gifts

'I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar, but the time we got around to booking the hotel was full and the speaker hoped to use died in 1967...'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"You've changed."