Irony Appreciators Gifts

"Why can't you be more like little Hester Prynne? She's getting straight A's."

'Doctor, I'm tired all the time.'

'You're suffering from information overload. I'm going to give you some booklets describing the problem.'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

Wet paint ahead...mined where you step.

Common Sense Boat (sign upside-down).

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

Future Site of the Procrastination Help Centre - Opening Fall of 1996

'Now what?'

"It's Bring Your Personal Demons to Work Day."

'A cardboard box in the Hamptons...That's the American dream!'

"I got it this far - don't stop me now."

'I want a smaller carrot.'

Shareholder's Meetings

"I'll take this too"

'Welcome to the Business Ethics course. Today we're going to start with the basics.'

'There were some cost overruns on the project that we need to discuss.'

"Worse than a cold. It's a common cold."

"It's Christmas, Melanie. Have young Cosgrove go down to the street and give something back to the community."

Dynamic Decision Makers: Will Probably Be back in an Hour or so

"Liquidity problems?" "Yes, you've limited my water supply!"

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"What can I DO? I'm Lightning Larry, for God's Sake!"

'Aah... nothing beats a lovely sunny day and the thwack of rock on skull...'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"We found her wandering at the edge of the forest. She was raised by scientists."

"The question is, Is static electricity better than no electricity at all?"

Pension burden on young news headline. Young woman to Cosmetic Surgeon 'Can you make me old?'

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"... Sorry. What was that about people not listening to you?"

'It's good to know that safety is being taken seriously...'

"Pistols at dawn?"

"False alarm. It was just a telemarketer."

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.