Irony Enthusiasts Gifts

"You should relax less."

"My first choice, of course, is to solve things amicably."

Unable to repair the On/Off switch, the electrician simply relabeled it.

'When I was hired, the boss asked if I could handle a job with lots of accountability, and like an idiot, I said 'Yes!''

'Fetch help quickly...The accident book's fallen on him!

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

A man is balancing on two chairs to hang a 'safety first' sign.

Stay the course.

'I begun like you, with nothing but my bare hands. Look at me now! Only 25 years later, I'm begging with my own hat! Geez, I love this country! Everybody can make it here!'

"The economy's never been better. Here's another potato!"

Desert crawler killed by water truck.

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'...and to think, forty years ago I gave up smoking and drinking for this.'

"I hate to complain, but these are the ugliest bridesmaid gowns I've ever seen."

Book on Time Management in prison.

Sales Upturn

'Now you've signed all your assets over to the bank, I'm happy to lend you your bus fare home.'

'and you promise not to run off, right?'

'Well what a coincidence! I was in property too!'

Signwriter doesn't take his own advice to beware.

"And when did this over-aggressive behavior begin to manifest itself?"

"The following is a test of the fire-alarm system. It is only a test. Please ignore the intense heat and combustion."

'We've been sacked!' (Employment tribunal)

'You'll have to come in over the weekend to attend some training on managing a healthy 'work/life' balance!'

Glue Salesman

Safety is number one

'I'm being let go. Twenty years I give this place, and that's the thanks I get.'

"When I see how much it costs to keep someone in prison every year, I'm glad I don't pay any taxes."

Man dying of thirst in desert reaches water hole with sign - 'Polluted: Drinking this water may be hazardous to your health.'

"We can drastically reduce our costs for the upcoming ethics workshop if I attend by myself and wear a wire."

A snowman uses a window cleaning spray to clean the glass.

'I solved all my time management issues once I started this lifestyle.'

'I was home schooled. It stands for 'Master of Bedmaking and Aerobic housecleaning'.'

ANARCHISTS' ASSOCIATION, 'It's not easy running an organization like this -- you have to be really tactful.'

'Cheerio, Fred, have a lousy day.'