Ironic Enthusiasts Gifts

'Actually I never had any desire to go into that field until they built this fence.'

"It may be rubbish but at least they're honest about it."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Horror movies

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

Emergency Phone.

The Snarky District

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.