Ironic Enthusiasts Pillows

'Actually I never had any desire to go into that field until they built this fence.'

"It may be rubbish but at least they're honest about it."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Horror movies

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

The Snarky District

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

65 Million Years Ago