Irony Enthusiast Gifts

"You had good intentions. Let's find you a nice job paving roads."

Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses - No soliciting.

"The latest car safety data is in, and it's still really really bad to crash into things."

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

Thoughts

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

"Yep! Should have gone with plan 'B'!"

'Wow, excellent turnout.'

'At the risk of sounding judgemental, I don't think they really mean it.'

"We British will never surrender our heritage to a bunch of foreigners"

'Okay, you can have freedom of speech, but watch your language!'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'The bad news is, there is no cure for the common cold. The good news is, I think you have pneumonia.'

'As my mentor, I sometimes question the advice you've given...'

"Serving You Is Our # 1 Job!"

"Yeah, Eddie, but think about it this way - We don't have to comply with ANYTHING!"

"Well, now that you have it, you can stop worrying about getting it."

'This organization has a blame culture. And that's all Jeremy's fault.'

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

"You undocumented workers have to leave...now."

Man can't open the plastic packaging of his plastic cutter.

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I'd hate to give up being an independent contractor.'

"Actually, this is the one condition your insurance does cover."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

Drowning man given book on how to swim.

'There's something wrong with the sprinkler system but don't fix it.'

'Your thankless, hard work and commitment have been crucial to my career development. Isn't that the best possible reward for you?'

'We don't have to keep up with the Joneses any more...They've filed for bankruptcy.'

'Are you SURE that tooth's not bothering you?'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

"Thursday is out. I have jury duty."

'What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.'

Eskimo Joe - "honey, you'd better get out here."

'It's either the worst idea to attract new clients I've ever seen, or the best...'