Irony Aficionados Gifts

'I foresee a nasty fall in your immediate future, but for twenty bucks I can give you a second opinion.'

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

'55 minutes? Really? And you call yourself the fastest land mammal?'

Ethics committee - 'All right - who stole my gavel?'

"What a couple of clucks we are. Here's another mistake right up here."

'Isn't it ironic that the first three letters in funeral spell fun?'

"There's no way I would ever let my boys play football...it's just too dangerous....!"

Procrastinators Incorporated

Stunning politeness.

'A four-leaf clover! They say it brings luck!'

'Thanks, it's an English word - it means 'spiritual warrior'.'

'No sudden moves!'

Quaker Mafia

'I know it wouldn't hurt them to come! Maybe that's why they're not here.'

'The 'Quick Response Team' doesn't answer.'

'It's never an easy decision, but if you're looking for something economical, why don't you take a look at out value menu-er...Value model?'

'Thanks, stranger! I'm an eccentric millionaire who gave away his fortune to good Samaritans, so may I have a buck for a cup of coffee?'

THE RIGHT PLACE A THE RIGHT TIME, 'It says they're closed for inventory.'

ACME Trucking: 'How's my driving 555-0825?'

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

'Pretzel?'

Smiley Pall Bearer.

Lately, I've felt really bummed out.

Boy Scout ties hangman's noose.

When prunes lose the plot: they advertise anti wrinkle cream.

Santa Enjoys Venison.

Sign in car reads: 'Driving with due care and attention. Please pass.'

'If it's any consolation, you're here because the Office of Fair Access wants us to have socially more balanced clientele.'

'The warden framed me.'

Windfarm lobbyists will be turned into marshmallow.

The Austerity Boogie!

'My New Year's resolution is to stop playing around on my wife.. so we'll have to quit this at midnight.'

Getaway car has had its tires stolen.

"I must be a real loser. The guy who stole my identity is giving it back. He claims life as me really sucks."