Irony Lovers Gifts

"We should make it past the rocks by nightfall, provided our luck holds."

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

All natural herbs - vitamins - supplements. 'Looks like he died of natural causes.'

'Cricked Neck Clinic' sign says 'Out to Lunch' hung sideways for patients to read.

'I've been retired a month and I already hate the game.'

'I'll have a monsterburger with cheese and giant fries..oh! and a diet cola, I've got to watch my weight.'

'Congratulations, you won $34. Let me call you a limo.'

'This mattress fits up to $120,000 dollars.'

Financial advisor: "Gone to pay off my debts"

Searching for water in the desert.

"I just need enough to file bankruptcy."

'He's upset because the fraudsters who stole his identity gave it back...'

"Et tu, Killbot 9000?"

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

Step class member taking the elevator at work

My other car is environmentally friendly.

Going the wrong way on the road to riches and easy street

'I'm really stressd. My therapist thinks it's caused by too much power yoga.'

"We've just fallen below the poverty level rich people."

'He's the long shot!'

Sign on shop: Headquarters: 'Business People for Peace'. Man walks out of shop wearing t-shirt with slogan 'Make money not war'.

Man reading book on body language hisses at a woman.

'Thank goodness the kids are in bed. I wouldn't want them watching this.'

"It's definitely dislocated"

"Well, I guess the rain has to stop somewhere!"

'Dear, have you been totally upfront with me about our finances?'

"We've just paid £10million, so your salary will be £3.75.. "

Santa Claus stuck in chimney at A&E.

"I can't decide what to give up for Lent."

Monday - Friday, the weather is good. The weekend it rains...

'Dinner will be late... it rained and we had a power outage.'

Earthquake Research Centre

"So far, the collapse of civilization hasn't particularly affected my life style."

"After careful consideration, I've decided to deny your request to form a Bible Study group"