Irony Lovers Gifts

"We should make it past the rocks by nightfall, provided our luck holds."

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

All natural herbs - vitamins - supplements. 'Looks like he died of natural causes.'

'Cricked Neck Clinic' sign says 'Out to Lunch' hung sideways for patients to read.

'Well, don't just stand there Tommy! Open it up and see what's inside!'

'I've raised millions for charity. I've just never given them any of it.'

'I've been retired a month and I already hate the game.'

'I'll have a monsterburger with cheese and giant fries..oh! and a diet cola, I've got to watch my weight.'

'Congratulations, you won $34. Let me call you a limo.'

Financial advisor: "Gone to pay off my debts"

Stuck Accelerator Toyota.

Searching for water in the desert.

'This mattress fits up to $120,000 dollars.'

'He's upset because the fraudsters who stole his identity gave it back...'

"I just need enough to file bankruptcy."

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

My other car is environmentally friendly.

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

'I'm really stressd. My therapist thinks it's caused by too much power yoga.'

"Et tu, Killbot 9000?"

Going the wrong way on the road to riches and easy street

Step class member taking the elevator at work

'Dear, have you been totally upfront with me about our finances?'

Sign on shop: Headquarters: 'Business People for Peace'. Man walks out of shop wearing t-shirt with slogan 'Make money not war'.

Man reading book on body language hisses at a woman.

Monday - Friday, the weather is good. The weekend it rains...

"We've just fallen below the poverty level rich people."

'He's the long shot!'

'Thank goodness the kids are in bed. I wouldn't want them watching this.'

Santa Claus stuck in chimney at A&E.

"Well, I guess the rain has to stop somewhere!"

"It's definitely dislocated"

"I can't decide what to give up for Lent."

"We've just paid £10million, so your salary will be £3.75.. "

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'