Comedy Afficionado Gifts

Policeman with TASER tries to jump-start his car

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Zombie standup

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Love at First Sight

Build your very own conflict of interest!

Easter Island legs

"Cat box"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

The Fourth Little Pig

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'