Comedy Aficionado Gifts

"I miss you too, honey. Now put the dog on."

Quiz for dogs.

"You know, for a gazelle, you're an awful klutz!"

"O.K., I'm sitting. What is it?"

"Alright, who's the ringleader?"

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

"They don't call me the man who likes to hit people with a piece of wood for no reason."

"Time to take my horse pills!"

"Honey, the Malcontents are here."

The Berlitz Guide to Parent-Teacher Conferences

'Your Honour, I call Nigel from the Pub ... expert witness on whatever you like.'

"This is a second opinion. At first, I thought you had something else."

'Take two asprin and stick your head in the the sand.'

"Have you considered releasing him back into the wild?"

Father Christmas's Alternative Sleigh.

'Hey! Is this the way to break up kidney stones, or what?'

The advanced motivational exercise required killing the boss, burying the body and not ratting out your co-workers.

"Eenie meenie miney mo..."

'After looking at your test results and consulting many experts, it's my medical opinion that you have something I can't pronounce.'

New wireless telephone poles.

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'Too Low?'

Alternative medicine, back pain relief

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

'...And for future reference, Mr. Glynn, you don't need to 'get in character' for regression therapy.'

"We said we'd give you a portable.. " Norman soon realised that he should have read the terms and conditions more closely

"Tell me about your anger problem - what sort of things set you off?"

"The dog ate my magnetic insoles."

'National Geographic is on their way. Everyone out of the jacuzzi.'

'Open wide...say aargh!'

"Trouble is I drink lots of beer to try to forget the gout."

"Dial 911. And change that to a table for three."

"Tell me the truth, doc! Give it to me straight, I can take it...."

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Mind your head...