Comedy Aficionado Gifts

"I miss you too, honey. Now put the dog on."

Quiz for dogs.

"You know, for a gazelle, you're an awful klutz!"

"O.K., I'm sitting. What is it?"

"Alright, who's the ringleader?"

Crash test dummy in hospital

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

"They don't call me the man who likes to hit people with a piece of wood for no reason."

"Time to take my horse pills!"

"Honey, the Malcontents are here."

The Berlitz Guide to Parent-Teacher Conferences

Think positive.

'Your Honour, I call Nigel from the Pub ... expert witness on whatever you like.'

"This is a second opinion. At first, I thought you had something else."

'Take two asprin and stick your head in the the sand.'

Father Christmas's Alternative Sleigh.

"Have you considered releasing him back into the wild?"

'Hey! Is this the way to break up kidney stones, or what?'

The advanced motivational exercise required killing the boss, burying the body and not ratting out your co-workers.

"Eenie meenie miney mo..."

'After looking at your test results and consulting many experts, it's my medical opinion that you have something I can't pronounce.'

New wireless telephone poles.

'He got some bad grass in the seventies.'

'Way too much information on your resume.'

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

'Too Low?'

Alternative medicine, back pain relief

'...And for future reference, Mr. Glynn, you don't need to 'get in character' for regression therapy.'

"We said we'd give you a portable.. " Norman soon realised that he should have read the terms and conditions more closely

The real reason behind global warming.

"The dog ate my magnetic insoles."

"Tell me about your anger problem - what sort of things set you off?"

"Dial 911. And change that to a table for three."

"Tell me the truth, doc! Give it to me straight, I can take it...."

"Trouble is I drink lots of beer to try to forget the gout."