Satirical Afficionado Gifts

United Airlines passengers

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's a patent?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

Love at First Sight

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Cat box"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Easter Island legs

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

The Fourth Little Pig

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'