Aficionado Of Satire Gifts

"Our staff communications protocols demand that we translate this mumbo-jumbo into gobbledygook."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Support the Ex-Troops

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Torturing the English Language

Pretty Flowers

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Build your very own conflict of interest!

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

The height of fashion in 1796

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

reincarnated worm...

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

Pets are reading the book 'Animal Farm'.