Satire Connoisseur Pillows

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"First of all, my client has said sorry."

'Well, it's time to leave this cold world. Follow me to where it's always warm and comfortable - the chip pan.'

'I'm told they even eat our arthritic knuckles.'

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

Birth Certificate? I don't need no stinkin birth certificate!

Totalitarian Humour

"If you want all our money in a plastic bag then I have tocharge you for the bag. Do you wish to pay cash or with card?"

"Have you tried St. John's Wort?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

'He likes to power nap.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

reincarnated worm...

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

The height of fashion in 1796

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"