Satire Connoisseur Gifts

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"First of all, my client has said sorry."

'Well, it's time to leave this cold world. Follow me to where it's always warm and comfortable - the chip pan.'

'I'm told they even eat our arthritic knuckles.'

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

Birth Certificate? I don't need no stinkin birth certificate!

Totalitarian Humour

"If you want all our money in a plastic bag then I have tocharge you for the bag. Do you wish to pay cash or with card?"

"Have you tried St. John's Wort?"

"This must be the Campaign Trail."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Support the Ex-Troops

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Pretty Flowers

Torturing the English Language

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

reincarnated worm...

'He likes to power nap.'

The height of fashion in 1796