Life's Comedic Spectator Pillows

Death Photobombs a Holiday

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

Bad business inc.

"For my next trick, I'll need a non-litigious volunteer."

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

"Be careful what you say, Senator. Putting your foot in your mouth greatly increases the risk of athlete's gum."

'How come your notebook has a sudoku puzzle on it?'

Elderly Dating

'Ooh look, you've got a free lucky horseshoe with your giant meatballs.'

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

Couple look out of a window shaped like a television screen.

"Hillary Clinton feels that sinners stigmatises people, so from now on, we're to call you service users."

'Quit blubbering. This is why I hate taking you shopping.'

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

'I saw the light during my near death experience, but it turned out to be in my refrigerator.'

"Anticipation. Anticipation. Anticipation. Anticipation. Yee haw! Nostalgia. Nostalgia. Nostalgia. Old age. Shoot."

"You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote."

'Yes, it does make his blood boil - I enjoy it'

Wild life liberation front take 'live yoghurt' from shop.

"My work is to stare into space."

'Taxes? They're a penalty for doing well.'

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

Sitting Room, Standing Room Only.

Go over there and say something...

'I asked if I could work from home.'

"I'm always recovering from the previous ten minutes of my existence."

"I think he's the guy that invented glue."

Tea Party is near! REPENT!

"Look out it's the naked Chef!"