Life's Comedic Spectator Gifts

Death Photobombs a Holiday

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Let's stop for a second while my assistant brings me a stiff drink."

Bad business inc.

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a non-litigious volunteer."

'Ooh look, you've got a free lucky horseshoe with your giant meatballs.'

Couple look out of a window shaped like a television screen.

Elderly Dating

"Hillary Clinton feels that sinners stigmatises people, so from now on, we're to call you service users."

"Be careful what you say, Senator. Putting your foot in your mouth greatly increases the risk of athlete's gum."

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

'How come your notebook has a sudoku puzzle on it?'

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

'Quit blubbering. This is why I hate taking you shopping.'

'I saw the light during my near death experience, but it turned out to be in my refrigerator.'

Wild life liberation front take 'live yoghurt' from shop.

"Anticipation. Anticipation. Anticipation. Anticipation. Yee haw! Nostalgia. Nostalgia. Nostalgia. Old age. Shoot."

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

'Yes, it does make his blood boil - I enjoy it'

"You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote."

"My work is to stare into space."

'Taxes? They're a penalty for doing well.'

Go over there and say something...

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

Sitting Room, Standing Room Only.

'I asked if I could work from home.'

'No, you weren't suffering from hot flashes again, dear. It really was boiling in the dining room and the toilet seats did have frost build up.'

Tea Party is near! REPENT!

"I think he's the guy that invented glue."