Witty Comeback Artist Gifts

Inattentive Boy

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

This isn't going to work, Rudy. You're not doing your reading assignments. You're not focusing. You don't have what it takes and you never will. I see … That's because my teacher is a wrinkled prune face with the brain and body stink of a petrified door mouse. Heavenly. Lady, I've seen a better head on a light beer!

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Second hand store: 'LEFTOVERS AGAIN!'

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

David Letterman

'An off-white entertainment giant that's been in and out of favour with the public - what better place for Jacko's comeback?'

Picasso's brew period.

One Way/Two Ways.

Mechanics price list.

"Back when we were in college, and occasionally sleeping together, I never thought I'd be here, toasting you at your wedding to a woman."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

"You've put on weight."

Recycle your problems. Many of our neuroses, hang-ups and character defects can be re-used by others.

'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk !' 'Yes Madam and you are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober.'

St. Lukes Church: Pray and Display

"Try splashing me now."

"He killed in rehab."

"Is there a reason you haven't done any work?"

A Women Out For A Walk With Her Children.

'Keep in mind I'm beautiful on the inside.'

"I'd like something profound, witty, and outrageously irreverent."