Witty Artist Gifts

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Picasso's brew period.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Bed Spread"

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

"I love these old decorations!"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"Whose the new guy?"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

Sharp Eyes

You trip on it, you buy it.

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Male On Sunday

Bell Hop

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

You're Out Of Order

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

"I beg to differ, Miss. My answer is correct. It's your question that's wrong."

Change Of Heart