Fan Of Witty Art Gifts

"It's true that guidance on the 'best' diet is in constant flux but I've yet to see any of them recommending just profiteroles and gin!"

"Whose the new guy?"

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

Art in pandemic time: after Jeff Koons Coronaballoon

The Formal Street Artist

The Hudson River School of Art.

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'Maybe if you cut off an ear it would look better.'

Sherlock Holmes is stymied.

"And now, moving along to our right, we have Hilda Schumacher, of Zelton Falls, Pennsylvania. Ms. Schumacher has been painting clowns on velvet for over fifteen years, and we find her work a fine example of this genre."

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

"Ok, Mr. Snow, let me explain the procedure."

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

Policeman charges tortoise for impersonation.

Man putting his brain in glass before bed.

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

'We need to get an equal pay expert in...'

'Rapunzel's migraines completely vanished since she started dating Ted from the airport.'

'Sorry, Oog, but you're out of compliance with the evolution protocols.'

Picasso plastic surgery.

'Thanks but we really can't accept...'

Walka Walka

'I'll bet he's trying to remember his social security number.'

"Let it go, Carl!"

'Watch out for falling archers.'

Riding a Teapot

Car cleaning.

"It's a good life, if you don't mind swimming in circles"

101 uses of a dead cat: pointer.

"No, John. You know I'll only end up hurting you."

'On a global scale, women tend to migrate rather from east to west...or like birds do, from north to south...'