Fan Of Witty Art Pillows

"It's true that guidance on the 'best' diet is in constant flux but I've yet to see any of them recommending just profiteroles and gin!"

"Whose the new guy?"

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it.

Art in pandemic time: after Jeff Koons Coronaballoon

The Formal Street Artist

The Hudson River School of Art.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'Maybe if you cut off an ear it would look better.'

Sherlock Holmes is stymied.

"And now, moving along to our right, we have Hilda Schumacher, of Zelton Falls, Pennsylvania. Ms. Schumacher has been painting clowns on velvet for over fifteen years, and we find her work a fine example of this genre."

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

Policeman charges tortoise for impersonation.

Man putting his brain in glass before bed.

"Ok, Mr. Snow, let me explain the procedure."

'We need to get an equal pay expert in...'

'Rapunzel's migraines completely vanished since she started dating Ted from the airport.'

'Sorry, Oog, but you're out of compliance with the evolution protocols.'

Picasso plastic surgery.

"At least take your hat off indoors!"

101 uses of a dead cat: pointer.

"Let it go, Carl!"

'I'll bet he's trying to remember his social security number.'

'Watch out for falling archers.'

'Thanks but we really can't accept...'

Riding a Teapot

Walka Walka

Car cleaning.

"It's a good life, if you don't mind swimming in circles"

A letterbox sticks out its tongue.

"No, John. You know I'll only end up hurting you."