Witty Comebacks Gifts

'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk !' 'Yes Madam and you are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober.'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

Heart To Heart

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

Under Canvas

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

Recycle your problems. Many of our neuroses, hang-ups and character defects can be re-used by others.

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

Inattentive Boy

"I'm keeping you back after school!"

Back on the mound after succesful Elton John surgery.

"I felt the Earth Move!"

'I say Madam, I prefer my soup bald!' (Victor Hugo, Notre-Dame de Paris)

'Every Hallowe'en barbeque he goes way over the top!'

"I'll draw them out with the cheese platter, but it's up to you to entertain them."

'Keep in mind I'm beautiful on the inside.'

'I've been lucky with men - I haven't met any yet...'

Brunette girlfriend " I quite like your beard. You are only half as ugly now."

Oil Change

"Yep, I was the little runt you used to tease all the time! Guess what, I had a late growth spurt..."

Jump The Queue

"If you're a self made man...why did you made yourself so short?"

'I've always been a bit of a ladies' man.'

'Boy you're an early bird: Your appointment is not for another four hours...'