Witty Comeback Enthusiast Gifts

"If you're a self made man...why did you made yourself so short?"

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

A lesson in wit

"Mine, I believe, is the Green Jacket."

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

Know-it-alls

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

'Reinventing myself.'

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

"I just got accepted to Yale." "I'd jump up and down for joy but my boobs are just way too big for that nonsense."

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

What did you see when you looked into my eyes, doctor? Two limpid pools. But I'm trying to control myself.

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

'I never know when you're joking!'

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

Newspaper Co. Sports Desk. Ernie, we need headlines for our series of articles on sports stars trying to revive their careers. Let's start with the Australian athlete. "Boomerang Thrower's Comeback." A basketball player bulked up to become competitive again. "Hoopster Muscles Way to Rebound"! The tennis star overcame a serious illness and is back on the court. "Tennis Champ Rallies: Makes Exciting Return"! The skier, on the other hand, had to retire. He's a politician in a dirty electi

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk !' 'Yes Madam and you are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober.'

Inattentive Boy

'What's a knee like yours doing in a joint like this?'