Comeback Fan Gifts

Newspaper Co. Sports Desk. Ernie, we need headlines for our series of articles on sports stars trying to revive their careers. Let's start with the Australian athlete. "Boomerang Thrower's Comeback." A basketball player bulked up to become competitive again. "Hoopster Muscles Way to Rebound"! The tennis star overcame a serious illness and is back on the court. "Tennis Champ Rallies: Makes Exciting Return"! The skier, on the other hand, had to retire. He's a politician in a dirty electi

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

Early Adopter...Early Opt-Outer

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

'I'm too hot to trot.'

Old rocker.

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

The perfect choice for president?... Stephen Colbert!

"Do you do much walking?"

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

Punk rocker passing punk codger in street.

"The next song is for all you unreconstructed commies, who are still in love with their tractors."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Sir, we need to upgrade our technology. We've used up our last roll of ticker tape.'

"Now that I've invented it, I have-this odd compulsion to hold it in my hand whenever I go and glance at it incessantly."

World Of Cow - 'If you must know, it's my Birthday and I happen to be great friends with Bob Dylan.'

'I just found out my vintage Roy Rogers lunch box is worth more than my 401k.'

A lesson in wit

"I just don't know what we'd have done without our subscription these past 25 years."

We choose to send a cow to the moon and do the other things. Not because they are hard, but because it'll be darn funny!

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'If you don't want to go digital, fine, but if you're going to store film in our cooler you have to save room some soda and beer."

"Mine, I believe, is the Green Jacket."

'I don't know what it is. I think it's some kind of old-fashioned cell phone.'

Hip Operation

It wasn't until years later that anyone would think to pop it.

"I remember the time a cat came down here. We scared the hell out of him."

'Same address, 20 years later'

"Just watching old stuff from 2019."

High Tech/Low Tech.

'I started whistling classic rock one day and now they won't leave.'

"Google says it's some form of ancient timing device."

Although he new it was madness, Wilbur felt his hand move towards the rubber squirter bulb.

'Reinventing myself.'