Retro Fan Gifts

'Oh, don't mind Grandpa - he's just having an acid flashback.'

Help. Didn't grasp the new technology.

'He's a little 'old school,' but he's got great leadership qualities.'

'I started whistling classic rock one day and now they won't leave.'

Old rocker.

"There I go again, it's 2024 and I'm still writing checks."

"I like living in the past. It makes me think I know where I'm going."

The perfect choice for president?... Stephen Colbert!

"You could at least try to look a bit techno"

'Sir, we need to upgrade our technology. We've used up our last roll of ticker tape.'

'Grandpa, tell me about the days when people had pen-pals, not e-pals.'

"Do you do much walking?"

Beatles looking at their phones walking across the road.

"Of course I'm living in the past, what else is there?"

'Soda jerk...just a jerk.'

Comparing music and food from then to now.

"Now that I've invented it, I have-this odd compulsion to hold it in my hand whenever I go and glance at it incessantly."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

Hip Operation

"Thieves hacked my car's electronics and stole data. Remember when they only took the hubcaps?"

Punk rocker passing punk codger in street.

Early Adopter...Early Opt-Outer

"Google says it's some form of ancient timing device."

Self-serve no-frills gas.

'I just found out my vintage Roy Rogers lunch box is worth more than my 401k.'

High Tech/Low Tech.

"I'd like to give you all the things I wanted as a kid, son, but I'm afraid they're illegal!"

Then: phone static. Now: email spam filters.

Elevator Stuffing was a very short lived fad in the 1950s.

You're watching the Nostalgia Channel. Based on your preoccupation with the past, we assume you're no spring chicken. Based on the fact that it's the middle of the night, we assume you're an unemployed, debt-ridden insomniac. So, you can expect a lot of commercials about illness, debt consolidation and erectile dysfunction. Enjoy the show!

In the eighties, Americans knew how to be Americans. Big cars. Big radios. Big hair. Everything was big. Unfortunately, I was so buff that all my huge stuff looked tiny in comparison. So I would loan my stuff to the skinniest, wimpiest kid I could find. Hold this. Let me reminisce vicariously through you. (Sigh) Those were the days. Is it working?

2011 New Year

'If you don't want to go digital, fine, but if you're going to store film in our cooler you have to save room some soda and beer."

'I think they're old phones...from from when people used to just talk into them.'

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.