Witty Comeback Enthusiast Pillows

"If you're a self made man...why did you made yourself so short?"

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

A lesson in wit

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Know-it-alls

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

'Reinventing myself.'

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

'I never know when you're joking!'

"I just got accepted to Yale." "I'd jump up and down for joy but my boobs are just way too big for that nonsense."

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk !' 'Yes Madam and you are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober.'

'What's a knee like yours doing in a joint like this?'

Inattentive Boy

'If you're God's gift to women, I'd rather just have the money.'

'My homework? Why, at home.'