Wine Wizard Gifts

"I'm taking a wine course but not for credit."

'Milk and cookies, milk and cookies...How much longer till I get to Bordeaux?'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

The Other Wine Connoisseurs Were Beginning to Question Pete's Credentials.

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

"A mighty fine cabernet, Zeke!"

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"Well, I always find the cheapest French, Greek and Italian wines for binge drinking."

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

The Vineyard

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"In case anyone walks by and sees the bottle you ordered, we offer a sticker saying your first bottle was rated 98."

Fancy dinners with Jesus.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Portfolio, 2011

'That's definitely the last time I recommend a wine to my plastic surgeon.'

'You aerated the wine in the blender again, didn't you?'

'It's Jack's homemade Merlot - care for a scoop?'

One more please.

"If I'd wanted to taste strawberries and summer fruits I'd have asked for fruit squash."

Wine Cosy

'Excuse me, waiter, change that order to the '09 Gruner Veltliner - my dad doesn't know crap about wine.'

Wine Tasting

"I call it 'Cellblock Shiraz.' Don't be intimidated by the bouquet."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"I wanted a dry red wine! Dry!! You got it??"

Home Wine-Making Kit...

"My husband makes this wine."

"You want I should cleanse your palate before I serve the wine?"

"I'm from the future. . . you're running low on the Chateau Margaux '86."

"Remember... the cork. You're supposed to smell the cork!"

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"