Wine Wizard T-Shirts

"I'm taking a wine course but not for credit."

'Milk and cookies, milk and cookies...How much longer till I get to Bordeaux?'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

"A mighty fine cabernet, Zeke!"

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"Well, I always find the cheapest French, Greek and Italian wines for binge drinking."

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

The Vineyard

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"In case anyone walks by and sees the bottle you ordered, we offer a sticker saying your first bottle was rated 98."

Fancy dinners with Jesus.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Portfolio, 2011

'That's definitely the last time I recommend a wine to my plastic surgeon.'

'You aerated the wine in the blender again, didn't you?'

'It's Jack's homemade Merlot - care for a scoop?'

One more please.

"If I'd wanted to taste strawberries and summer fruits I'd have asked for fruit squash."

Wine Cosy

"I wanted a dry red wine! Dry!! You got it??"

Home Wine-Making Kit...

"My husband makes this wine."

"I'm from the future. . . you're running low on the Chateau Margaux '86."

"Remember... the cork. You're supposed to smell the cork!"

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Ordinarily, that wouldn't bother me, except Doc did the same blindfold trick last week, when he did my colonoscopy.'

"I've done it Igor! I've finally found a way to reuse all our wine corks."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"What wine do you recommend I turn this water into?"

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

'One unexpected problem I've run into, since making my own wine, is finding foods to pair with 160-proof Burgundy.'