Wine Wizards Gifts

"It has a nice, divine quality without being overly liturgical."

'What wine do you recommend with Valium?'

Liquor Store - Gift Suggestions.

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

"Your description of the wine's bouquet was elegant, but are you sure that's not my feet?"

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Yoga for Alcoholics

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"What's your project for the science fair, Arnold?"

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

Keith Floyd.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'Beer brewery? No, I wanted the witches brew! Damn GPS.'

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Shakespeare Quote

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Portfolio, 2011

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

Spell-Check Bee