Wine Wonderers Gifts

'Here's the difference between sommelier school and the real world: I just got asked to recommend a vegan wine to pair with a bacon double cheeseburger.'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Yoga vs. Prosecco

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Keith Floyd.

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"We REALLY do get better with age."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Portfolio, 2011

'Toast'

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Wine taster with mineral water

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'I'd recommend the white wine.'