Wine Wonder Gifts

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'I'd like to see the cheap plonk list.'

'How do you tell a red from a white?'

'These are by my doctor. If my pharmacist can't read his prescriptions, how can I expect to read his tasting notes?'

"I brought two waters. How did you end up with wine?"

"Oh my God, the mineral water!"

"An interesting blend. . . notes of dry corn and overtones of dandelion leaf. . . essences of barley. . . a playful cabbage beetle finish."

Pete Townshend Vineyards

The Vineyard

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Portfolio, 2011

'Toast'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"Look at the state of this place! Don't you ever use that thing to sweep up?!"

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."