Whisky Wonder Gifts

Deep dish bourbon

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

Cat Reunion

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

Keith Floyd.

"I hate it..."

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"Is that neat whisky?"

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

She'd decided to apply for a species change...

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

'It's a taste I think I can say I've acquired.'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

You can kiss me later

'Rotgut whiskey is much more festive served with a paper umbrella, don't you think?'

"I lick my fur and then rub against their legs. They think I'm being affectionate, but I'm actually just wiping cat spit on them."

Monarch of the Glenmorangie

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

'You've had enough.'

They say I get 152 channels.

"Holy cow! This is bourbon!" "My husband is from Kentucky."

"Forget the Gin Sling, I'll have a whisky and soda."