Whiskey Wizard Gifts

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

"Say - this electronic bourbon isn't bad."

The Vineyard

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Newton's Cradle Solar System

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Beer brewery? No, I wanted the witches brew! Damn GPS.'

Where did you learn alchemy? Elementary school.

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

Portfolio, 2011

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

Whiskey wars

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

A few post-Christmas options for Santa.

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

"Looks like something exciting is happening in R&D."

"And that's when I realized that I much preferred making frothy desserts."

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

"My husband makes this wine."