Wine Wonderers Pillows

'Here's the difference between sommelier school and the real world: I just got asked to recommend a vegan wine to pair with a bacon double cheeseburger.'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Portfolio, 2011

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

Wine taster with mineral water

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'Toast'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'I'd recommend the white wine.'