Winemaking Wizard Gifts

Wine Stomping Secretary

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

Pete Townshend Vineyards

A Good Batch.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

The Vineyard

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"I make it myself!"

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

'According to this, she began making wine in her laundry room 30 years ago, and now she's moved on to the garage.'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'Beer brewery? No, I wanted the witches brew! Damn GPS.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Who's the new guy?'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'