Winemaking Gifts

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

"I still enjoy running my winery, but these days my real passion is the meth lab."

Pete Townshend Vineyards

'I'm hoping one day I'll be discovered by the director of Riverdance.'

"Let me guess. You had it up to here with the world of business, so you packed it all in and started your own winery."

"There, there, it's not so bad - we did introduce the grapevine to your country."

'... And this is my cellar.'

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

"We want this wine to be assertive and stubborn, but with a sense of humor."

"The guests are waiting - how much longer on the wine?"

"That's not our logo. That's the company's flowchart."

"You could be just the man we're looking for!"

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

Please do not pet the grapes.

'How do I know we need to turn down the filtration system? - This is our cabernet sauvignon.'

'Have you ever crushed grapes, Mr Bigfoot?'

"This cheap wine doesn't have a cork to smell, but the label is scratch and sniff."

One more please.

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'No, I haven't gotten around to crushing the grapes, but I think have them pretty well intimidated.'

'Okay, so we had a rainy spring. If we can't make these grapes into wine, maybe we can sell them as water balloons.'

"If the vineyard needs rain, why don't you get the truck washed?"

'I made the mistake of redoing the house in Limousin oak, right before Jack decided to start barrel aging his merlot.'

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'Why pick and then press, Dad? I'm saving money by having a steamroller drive through the vineyard.'

'Who's the new guy?'

'Talk about wild yeast!'

'And this is wood, for the fire...and for artificially flavoring my homemade Chardonnary.'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

'Dad, the wine's been put into used barrels, just like you ordered. I got a great deal on them from Exxon.'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'