Wine Critique Connoisseur Gifts

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'A cheeky red?'

Reading my Critics

Bacchus.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I find that hugely offensive!"

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

"I make it myself!"

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Don Quixote

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

Leo McKern

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

Yes. As a matter of fact he IS an indoor cat.