Wine Connoisseurship Gifts

'A question of port.'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"It has a nice, divine quality without being overly liturgical."

'I was working as a wine taster until the boss fired me for not drinking on the job.'

"Carpe vino! Seize the wine!"

"I trust you've fully experienced the bouquet?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Bacchus.

Sauvignon Bonk

"Now I really hate poetry."

'No ice.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Join me in a Martini?

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'