Wine Critique Gifts

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Sloaney Pony.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

Yoga for Alcoholics

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Sauvignon Bonk

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Bubbly

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

French wine

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'