Drink Critique Gifts

'I've been to the bar next door, and I'm here for a second opinion.'

Some days at work can be more challenging than others.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Another reason farm raised fish aren't as healthy as wild ones.

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Drinks for the post-caffeinated economy

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"...an excellent fighting lager with just a hint of park bench."

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Tap anywhere to begin."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

Honest Vending Machine

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'This decaf's lousy.'

When Gordon Ramsay gets re-incarnated as a fly.

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

"I'd recommend this."

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'Too much hazel, not enough nut.'

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"