Beverage Critique Gifts

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

Another reason farm raised fish aren't as healthy as wild ones.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Drinks for the post-caffeinated economy

"...an excellent fighting lager with just a hint of park bench."

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

"Tap anywhere to begin."

The New Square Mile Regulator.

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

"I'd recommend this."

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."