Craft Beer Critic Gifts

"Tap anywhere to begin."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

'So, what do you think of my first attempt at making homemade beer?'

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

Beer Stall

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Joined at the hipster.

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

Bottle Distillery

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

"It's from the local micro brewery..."

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

Micro-Brewed Brain Beer

'Malty tasking.'

"Tea parties are passé. I'm opening a craft brewery."

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

California Beverages Map

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

"I was wondering if you could recommend a good 'hoppy' beer?"

"...an excellent fighting lager with just a hint of park bench."

Ernie is a master brewer! He's highly skilled in every phase of the beer-making process! Business is booming at our craft beer pub! Ernie, are those ladies old enough to buy beer? I didn't ask for I.D. I didn't want to violate the no "dating" the customers policy. Ernie is an absolute genius about beer, but lacks common sense about everything else! (Published originally on Nov. 8, 2015.)

'An no one heard him scream when they screwed on the pump and slowly drained all his vital fluids...'

Real Beer People

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

Cold Beers and Skiers

Beer Lunch