Coffee Critique Gifts

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Another reason farm raised fish aren't as healthy as wild ones.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

This coffee can keep you up

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

'This decaf's lousy.'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

Honest Vending Machine

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"