Coffee Critiquer Gifts

'I can't eat somewhere that deals with their taxes so reprehensibly.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

"Practicing my hate-face."

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

'This decaf's lousy.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

Honest Vending Machine

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

'I've got a really important meeting today, so give me something that will get me so drunk no one will want to mess with me.'

'If I'm to put up with cold coffee and stale biscuits I expect a Much better line in gossip!'

'Coffee, tea, or banana?'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

"Excellent choice, our double mocha fudge supreme has never been linked to a serious injury or fatality."

"Podcasts, blech. It's like eavesdropping without the intrigue."