Coffee Critiquer Prints

'I can't eat somewhere that deals with their taxes so reprehensibly.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

Dateline - Caf

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

'This decaf's lousy.'

Honest Vending Machine

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

'I've got a really important meeting today, so give me something that will get me so drunk no one will want to mess with me.'

'Coffee, tea, or banana?'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

'If I'm to put up with cold coffee and stale biscuits I expect a Much better line in gossip!'

Beachwalk Cafe. Shoes must be worn. Dare! Mine are brand new!

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

"Excellent choice, our double mocha fudge supreme has never been linked to a serious injury or fatality."

Man - 'This coffee tastes like mud!' Woman - 'It was ground this morning.'