Coffee And Meeting Critic Prints

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

Dateline - Caf

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

"Practicing my hate-face."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"I am calling a meeting...I am calling it a waste of time."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

Target setting: 'What about 38%, we haven't used 38% for a while.'

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

Honest Vending Machine

'This decaf's lousy.'

"Help me on this one, Jimbo. What I want to do here is fire you."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

"According to the survey,retention is helped by training and money...There's no mention of chaining staff to their desks."

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

"When everyone gets a pillow you may start your presentation."

"This meeting has been a great success. Insofar as the profound loneliness of my soul has been displaced for a little while."

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

'If I'm to put up with cold coffee and stale biscuits I expect a Much better line in gossip!'