Coffee Table Critic Prints

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

'I had a lovely time...your coffee table was delicious.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Your lobster was off!

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'It's my favorite.'

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Your meal sounded nice."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

Books / Coffee table books

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"And how would you like your steak?"