Coffee Shop Critic Gifts

"A large skim latte, double shot, no 'have an awesome day.'"

"Yeah, she's definitely had work done."

This is NOT a Coffee Shop.

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

How About Serving Us For a Change

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

"Practicing my hate-face."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

Continental Drift.

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'This decaf's lousy.'

Honest Vending Machine

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

'If I'm to put up with cold coffee and stale biscuits I expect a Much better line in gossip!'

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'