Coffee Shop Critic Pillows

"A large skim latte, double shot, no 'have an awesome day.'"

"Yeah, she's definitely had work done."

If you get lost, remember that there's a Starbucks on every corner.

This is NOT a Coffee Shop.

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"Practicing my hate-face."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

Dateline - Caf

Continental Drift.

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

'This decaf's lousy.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

Honest Vending Machine

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."