Coffee Critics Pillows

'Caffeinated or decaffeinated?'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"...an excellent fighting lager with just a hint of park bench."

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

"Practicing my hate-face."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

'This decaf's lousy.'

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

Honest Vending Machine

Join me in a cup of tea!

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'