Morning Coffee Critic Gifts

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

"Stop whining. A little cigar ash never killed anybody."

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"Practicing my hate-face."

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'This decaf's lousy.'

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

Honest Vending Machine

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

'If I'm to put up with cold coffee and stale biscuits I expect a Much better line in gossip!'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

"Excellent choice, our double mocha fudge supreme has never been linked to a serious injury or fatality."

"Flavor? It's 'let me drink my first cup before I stab you in the eyes' flavor."

"Some days I wake up grumpy. Other days, I let him sleep."

Man - 'This coffee tastes like mud!' Woman - 'It was ground this morning.'

'Caffeinated or decaffeinated?'

"Podcasts, blech. It's like eavesdropping without the intrigue."

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

'I had a lovely time...your coffee table was delicious.'